cool breeze

it never bothered me to be alone but i do have times when i get lonely. it comes when the kids are sleep and the house is still and silent. i reach over to the other side of the bed and i feel that cool breeze. my reminder that i am alone. all alone at times. which has nothing to do with sex mind you, its that part where theres no one to share my world and thoughts with on a daily basis. the little things that make a relationship special thats what makes me notice the cool breeze for what it is...the shiver of not just loneliness but of the constant reminder of it.

crazy worlds

my friend/client and i were talking about stuff and she asked me if i ever thought my private world was better then my reality, i told her mos def because my logic and reasoning isnt like that of most people so they wouldnt undersand. if everybody else lived in my world theyd think i was crazy...lol. she said she felt they same about her world, guess crazy loves company :)

i drift into you (dreamland)

darkness and flames take me to a familiar place. the place ive longed for...seeming an eternity. i am here and i am free...as soon as you join me. stillness of anticipation drives my body wild. but you bring me comfort. and you bring emotion. you become emotion and i am lost once again. only to be found in the wonderful amazement of the surprise that you are. i drift so deeply into you that i no longer think. every action, every word, every sense of everything is a thoughtless reaction to you. but still, i react to you and you to me. free in this dreamland and like the thoughts of a child, i run wild aimlessly. running in the fantastic enjoyment of pleasure, ecstasy, and truth. truth of self...truth of liberation. i drift into you and enter a dreamland of a slow emerging reality and i feel wonderful. feelings some only experience in dreams, you are a dream into reality bending my reality into a dream...

rain...rain...rain

everytime it rains...i think of you....everytime it rains...feel the raindrops fall on my face...i soak it in and all my pain is erased...leaving all those happy memories...touching, kissing, holding just you and me...everytime it rains...i think of you...everytime it rains

blue eyes

would you love me if my eyes were blue?...and all i did was cry all day thru...if i kept every hair in place...yet and still never put a smile on my face...when everyone is watching turn into your barbie doll...but behind our closed doors let my spirit fall...at my lowest deepest and darkest moment...could you see past my pain and allow me to know it..would you see the season im in for what it is...just a season in my path and not your personal test...to understand that yes i like you go thru changes...that arent as beautiful as you claim me to be...so tell me...if all i did was cry all day thru...would you love me if my eyes were blue?

songs

ive got songs in my heart...ive always had them and some are inspired by people closest to me....yet still most are feelings or thoughts i put to a melody and keep to myself or share with my kids at bedtime....they come out of me effortlessly and ease any uncertain feelings i may be having....they even heighten happy moods...seems as though the songs i enjoy most come from my melancholy moments and my buzzed ones...lol...but all my life the music which calls my soul and i feel within are the ones that explain some sort of heartbreak or deep emotion...be it love or pain i feel it in my soul....not the dance moves or party starters but the ones you listen to with a drink in your hand...always been that way

loves logic

the one you hate is the one you love

the one you need is not the one you want

pain of love keeps you bound to one,

while fear of pain keeps from the other

and because of this logic

you always run towards the one you should be running away from

josh x-an-tus "first time"

so for the past week or so ive had this song (among others) stuck in my head. its a lovely song and the way he plays the piano really speaks to my spirit. didnt surprise me when i found out he was classically trained, explained it all. wouldnt mind being on the remix, hmmmmm......light bulb!