edith marie

my first best friend was my grandmother...my mothers mother...edith marie...when i was little i would spend at least a full week with her in the summer time but several weekends were a given...she told me about the world...past...present...and what she saw of the future...her ideals and views werent always conventional but i hung on her every word...she was the first person i could talk to...at times the only person...she never made me feel inadequate or silly for thinking one way or another...she explained...listened...shared...and listened some more...she understood me when i didnt even understand myself...she was a gift...she was love...and she is missed...i didnt really understand the impact she had on my life until she died...it was the first summer i didnt go to visit her...i had just graduated from high school and decided to stay home to work thru the summer before i started cosmetology school in the fall...i graduated in may to warm words of praise and congrats from her only to be followed by a phone call of her death from my uncle in july...the one summer i didnt go spend time with her...to busy being a teenager hanging with my friends...didnt even believe the phone call and went bowling to get out of the house...the one summer i regret...once reality set in and we went back home to kansas for her funeral the emotions came over...i remember getting to her house and seeing her chair she always sat in...empty of her presence forever...looking at her bulletin board and seeing in her handwriting my graduation date and the date i was to start cosmetology school...there for everyone to see...just how proud she was of me and my accomplishment...i graduated high school at sixteen...my gift was gone...i was there in her home and could feel her could even smell her on her favorite blanket in her chair....but she was still gone...i remember the anxiety i felt in the car ride over to the funeral home for the "family viewing"...we walked in and were lead to the room where she was...my brother corey and i walked up...looked in...and turned around..."thats not her, how they bring us in the wrong room?"...bastards i thought to myself so i took off and went searching the other rooms for my grandmother...corey searched a little too but it was when i heard some faint crying that i stopped and came back into the room...my mother standing at her mothers casket crying "thats her, thats my mother" she said softly as we walked up next to her...then my tears came and the blur of the weekend...the reality of my grandmothers permanent absence from that point on...the first best friend i ever had was gone...my gift...my love...gone...it still hurts but i will always cherish her for everything she put into and showed me...one day i will see her again...and i will feel her warm embrace again...hear her words of encouragement...i still she her and talk with her in my dreams...she always knows when to come to me...when i need her the most...thats why shes my best friend..my gift...my love.....EDITH MARIE i love you grandma