Thursday, November 19, 2009

for "Precious" girls everywhere

i saw the movie "precious" this weekend with my cousins and i was totally blown away. the story itself speaks volumes but i cant remember the last time i saw or even heard of a life story that real. truth is life is not always filled with happy moments and smiles. for some it never stops raining and those are the stories i feel we need to hear of. keeping the perspective that no matter the situation, you always have to "push" forward. i related to her in more ways then one, not everything but there are some situations that brought back some unwanted memories for me. but i took her story and how she dealt and it helps me deal with my issues and with the demons that found me at an early age. healing is a long process, for anyone. everyday i grow and i heal. and everyday i love and protect my children more then the day before to ensure those demons that found me NEVER find my babies. but thru the course of the movie i saw how she took the abuse, the self hatred, the loneliness, and yes her ignorance and pushed forward. it gives me hope that no matter the situation, the past, or the lack of whatever presence you need and deserve in your life, you can and will overcome and move past. i saw her go from wanting and wishing death upon herself to hopeful thoughts of a positive future and a real joy of living. her life was simple yet it was hers and she was determined to make the rest of her life better then her childhood. i could go more in depth and get real deep but im just gonna leave it at that, have a drink, say some prayers for the "precious" girls everywhere, try to enjoy the rest of the night before memories of lives past weigh my heart heavy. love your girls and your boys and protect them from any and all evil...those seen and unseen. peace and blessings

one degree of love (to love)

be my eyes when i can not see..walk me thru the darkness of life...trusting you to guide me to your heart...whereas you have found yourself in me...i also am within you...the purest form of ourselves...unleashed for all to see...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

me and the pheonix

when i was 16 i got this rose on my hip. i thought i was sooo sexy that couldnt no one tell me nothing. and also being where it was placed of course my boyfriends loved it. well that was over 10 years ago and what seems like a lifetime away from the woman i am now. many things have happened in my life before and after that tattoo appeared but the one thing that stands out more then anything else is that i am not the person i was when i got it. lightyears away from her. mature and reasonable, patient and understanding, educated and fearless, but most importantly APOLOGETICALLY ORIGINAL. i have overcome many things...some only a few know but im stronger because of it. a few days after i got my Phoenix, i catch it looking at me. looking straight thru me and i was looking back. seemed to almost move and flap its wings. i was transfixed in the gaze of such a beautiful animal, but while i was staring into my Phoenix's eye i started to cry. that has never happened before but i was crying real tears. not tears of sadness but of knowng where youve been and knowing that from this moment on things will be different. things will be greater and you will find happiness within yourself. thru my tears the Phoenix spoke to me. spoke to my spirit and spirit understood everything clearly. spoke all the answers i did not have and because of it i vibrate higher...i vibrate higher