Sunday, May 17, 2009

BANG! BANG! BANG! i must be dreaming, right? no because i hear people yelling. the dogs barking. something must be going on that shouldn't. voices i dont recognize. except one. my step dads. who is he talking to? now they are running past my window. i get up and crawl into my brothers room. corey did you hear that? no! how could you not? i watch enough tv to know that was gun shots. get back to bed are you serious? oh now you just gone roll over and go back to sleep like nothing happened. nigga please. so i go back to my room but something doesnt feel right. i cant take it no more. down the hallway towards the hazy light of the living room. whats that smell? not cigarette but...gun smoke? yeah gun smoke. still in the air. thats the haze burning my eyes. thats the smell in my nose. mumbles. rumbles. all in the back study. voice i know. my step dads. i go to the study and he's limping. and bleeding. oh shit, wheres corey now? whats going on? what happened? this is when all the things i just passed finally register in my young brain. furniture turned over...broken glass...bead curtain all over the floor...bullet holes in the carpet...blood here...blood there. this is bad. real bad. 911 something happened i dont know step dad is scared and now im crying. hang up. hello hello. i must be dreaming because im sure when you call 911 and tell them something is wrong, they're not supposed to hang up on you. 911 help. gun shots. yelling. running. blood. stay calm? im not sure if thats an option right now. go to the door? why? police are here. are you sure? KNOCK! KNOCK! answer the door...its ok im on the line with you and thats the officer i sent to help you. i walk to the door. hand on the nob. HPD open up sweetie its ok now. i open and see flashin lights and hear the sirens loud in my ears. why hadnt i heard them before? here comes corey. nigga i told you something happened. he hugs me as the police search the house and EMTS come through with the meds. call your mom let her know. moms is home. everything disappears when she hugs me. no police. no local news trucks. not even my step dad with his through and through gun shot wound to his leg. everything disappears. everything. its just me in my moms arms. all madness has stopped and the tv show that materialized in my life ended.

now imagine sleeping in your bed to be awaken in such a manner. all at the tender age of 9. this was just one of the nights from my childhood. my step dad didnt ask to get robbed at gun point in his home with the kids in the next room sleep, but who does? just another day in my past. just another day.....

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