Monday, May 18, 2009

little girl lost

my family is very large. i have 5 brothers and sisters and in birth order im second oldest and oldest girl. this naturally makes me more naturing and motherly then my siblings. my older brother has 4 years on me but to see us interact everyone thinks im the big sister. im very protective of my family. very. i have one sister in perticular who ive always kept in a special place. krystal. sad thing is, for reasons beyond our control, i wasnt able to physically protect her. thats because we havent seen each other in almost 15 years if im counting correctly. the last time i saw her was probably 6 months to a year from the date this photo was taken. ive always wondered where she was. how she was. hell, what she even looked like. if i passed her on the street would i recognize her? would she me? i knew i would. i just never knew when id get the chance to test this theory out. had life been as good to my sister as it had to the rest of us? one in the medical field, two in college, one showing major promise in his young years, and me a successful hairstylist and proud mother of two. so many unanswered questions. at one point in my life i thought about calling into a talk show to find her. all i knew was her mother remarried and moved to germany. my sister in tow. i never talked about this in depth with anyone. all the feelings and emotions i experienced everytime i thought about it. no one would understand. hell they barely get me now. but still she was always there in my heart. always. never once taking away from the love i have for my other siblings just effecting me more. effecting my differently. i prayed many many nights and times for her. not just for her safety or her health, but her return. her return to me and my family. my prayers and those of several of my family members didnt go unanswered. thru several internet sites (thank you on january 1, 2009 my sister called me in response to a message i left on her facebook page. hello, my name is krystal jackson and my father is manuel delano jackson and i believe i am your sister. im the one youre looking heart stopped and i almost hit the floor. tears clouding my vision as i walked out of the room to hear the call better. excuse me but, what did you say? yes she replied and repeated everything with a laugh. a laugh that assured me she was feeling the same as me. FINALLY my sister has come back to me. when she was born i had this wonderful feeling. i cant even describe it. i always wanted a sister and its like i was given a gift. when we lost contact, my gift was taken away from me. i could never nature and care for her let alone develop any type of relationship with her. but when her voice and her words registered in my ears, mind, and heart, that feeling i felt as a little 7 year old girl came rushing back to me. all i could say was thank you Jesus and i love you sweetie. she asked that i would never lose her again and i promise sweetie that is no longer a possibility for us. we speak almost everyday since that phone call and im extremely excited to say shes coming to visit me next weekend. our first meeting in nearly 15 years. i still dont know what im gonna do when i see her but ive taken some days off just to be with her as long as i can. this is a long time coming and im so thankful that it is here and not another 15 years down the road. my dad, my lisa, and 3 of my siblings will be here at my house too so its kinda like a mini family reunion. they live out of state so they have seen her already. im the last but we will have our time together, just me and her. our future started that night in january with one phone call. it erased most of the pain from the past and set a path towards endless possibilities. not just for me and krystal but for the jacksons as a whole. God has truely blessed my family. my little girl is no longer lost

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